A man walks into a bar with his pet newt on his shoulder. He sits down at the bar and the bartender says, "Hey, what's with the newt?"
The man replies, "Oh, he's my talking newt. Watch this." He turns to the newt and asks, "What's on top of a house?"
The newt looks at him and says, "Roof!"
The man turns back to the bartender and says, "See? He's really smart." The bartender rolls his eyes and goes back to polishing glasses.
The man then asks the newt, "What's on the outside of a tree?"
The newt quickly responds, "Bark!"
The man turns back to the bartender, who is now starting to get annoyed, and says, "Isn't he clever?"
Finally, the man asks the newt, "What's the opposite of 'down'?"
The newt thinks for a moment, then says, "Up!"
The bartender can't take it anymore and yells, "That's it! Get out of here with your stupid talking newt!"
The man sadly gets up and starts to leave, but before he goes, he turns to the newt and says, "Well, I tried to warn you, Albert. You just can't please everyone."