A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Hey, where'd you get that thing?"
The man replies, "I got him from a breeder. He's a special type of monkey that can do tricks."
Intrigued, the bartender asks, "Oh yeah? Like what kind of tricks?"
The man grins and says, "Well, for starters, he can play the piano."
Skeptical, the bartender says, "I have to see this."
So the man sets the monkey on the piano and the monkey starts playing a beautiful, intricate piece of music. The bartender is amazed and offers to buy the monkey on the spot.
But the man hesitates and says, "Well, there's one catch. He's addicted to cigarettes."
The bartender shrugs and says, "That's no problem, I can handle that. I'll just wean him off slowly."
So the man sells the monkey to the bartender and a few weeks go by. Everything seems fine until one day, the bartender notices the monkey is looking a little stressed out.
Concerned, he asks the man, "What's wrong with him? He seems restless."
The man responds, "Oh, I forgot to mention. He also likes to drink whiskey."
The bartender's eyes widen in shock and he exclaims, "What have you done? How can I control a monkey that smokes and drinks?"
The man simply shrugs and says, "Hey, at least he's not a kleptomaniac."